Monster
by ShatteredMirrorReflection
Summary: He realized their nightmares were his dreams and it was like bathing in kerosene. He thought the monster inside him was begging to come out until he realized he was the monster. (Jonathan Crane during his high school years, prequel to Don't You Love Me?)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman.**

Jonathan writhed as he lay under the covers, a shriek ripping from the confines of his throat. He was asleep but even then, he was tormented by the things that wracked his mind. Day in and day out, his mind was flooded with the disturbing images that he could use against himself and others. There was no escaping the things that lived in the confines of your mind.

And in the wake of his nightmare, as a bead of sweat rolled down his face, as another scream tore from his mouth, Jonathan flung himself from his bed. He landed with a thump on the floor, the frail house shaking slightly under the sudden impact. He was oblivious to everything going on around him. He was too far deep in his nightmare to wake up.

_Monster._

The word had haunted his thoughts every thought ever since _it _began. Jonathan knew that it described him and everything he stood for. He knew it was a title that could not easily be erased. Nobody but Jonathan knew what was going on. But they would find out. Soon enough he would burst, and every dream, every nightmare, every fear would come like lava, covering everything and everyone around him. It was inescapable, inevitable. There was no stopping it. He was like a ticking time bomb, a danger to everyone around him, a danger to himself.

The heavy footsteps were what what awoke him, startling him from his deep sleep. It was the middle of the night and he knew that it was his screams that woke her up. And he knew that he'd have hell to pay for it, too. The sweat poured down as he attempted to untangle himself from his sheets. After, he lay on the floor and awaited his punishment. As the footsteps got closer, he looked up and stared.

His great grandmother stood at the doorway, an evil scowl on her face.

_Monster._

**A/N: Heys, I'm back! This is the prequel to Don't You Love Me? And this will follow Jonathan through his high school years up until Vera was born.**

** Hope you're as excited as I am! Until next time! :)**

** -Harley**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman.**

Jonathan walked down the hallway, clutching his heavy books to his chest. His arms were tired from carrying all of his things from class to class all day. Right then, all he wanted to do was go home, he hadn't gotten the best sleep the night before. Though he had thoroughly enjoyed the nightmare he had had. Though, the details were still a little fuzzy and he couldn't remember much from it, he knew he wanted to have it again. The only vague detail he could remember were crows, lots of them, all swarming around him. And he could hear ear piercing screams that reminded him of his classmates.

As Jonathan walked to his last class of the day, he sighed deeply, an almost growl resonating in his chest. There, standing across the hall was Sherry Squires, and her idiot of a boyfriend Bo. They were surrounded by their friends, a cliche, standard high school clique. All the guys wore their football jackets and were looked up to as gods because of the way they faked talent on the football field. The girls were walking Barbie dolls: plastic and just that, a doll. Their voices went straight through you, and their nasally laughs were even worse. Jonathan cringed as he looked at them.

The group would undoubtedly throw careless insults at him as if they were throwing careless passes around at practice or tossing an empty lip gloss tube into the garbage. Their taunting laughs echoed in his ears long after they have stopped. It was a sickening sound, one he would chose to end if he ever got the chance, which he would. That he was sure of. There would be a day when he could get his revenge. Their laughing would end and their taunting faces would cease to smile and he would reign superior over those who had wrongly looked down upon him all these years. He would get his revenge and he knew that revenge had never tasted so sweet. He would savor it like a child savors sugar, making it last on the tip of his tongue.

"Hey, Ichabod." Sherry laughed and pointed at him.

"Sherry, do you even know who Ichabod Crane is? Because if you did, you'd know that all we share is a last name. And that is irrelevant. It would be as if every person named Smith was alike." Jonathan retorted, calmly drawing out his words. In all honesty, he was surprised they even let him finish his sentence.

"Well what's it to you, loser?" Bo responded, putting a smirk on his broad face that made him look even more dense than he already did. Which surprised Jonathan because he didn't think that that was even possible.

"That statement makes no sense to the amusing conversation we are having and loser is an overused, often miscommunicated word. I suggest you educate yourselves on how to speak to others so one day you may actually have a somewhat intelligent conversation with someone someday." Jonathan said, his expression remained unchanged. He didn't want to appear as cocky, nor hurt. If he could outsmart them, then he could certainly beat them.

And with that, Jonathan walked off, continuing his journey through the long, winding halls of the school. It was a prison, with dreary concrete walls. Everything was gray and there was almost no color anywhere. In fact, the man who designed the school had previously designed almost ten prisons. It was never a necessarily happy place to be, for anyone, even Jonathan. Except when he was in his favorite class: Psychology.

Jonathan's psychology teacher was a tall man, clean shaven, and seemed almost frail. But he held himself with such confidence that everyone knew not to mess with him. No nonsense. But he still was kindhearted, open to speak to anyone willing to have a conversation with him. Mr. Lewis was an intelligent man and Jonathan usually stayed behind after class to talk with him about psychology. It was something that interested Jonathan greatly and he had dedicated a good part of his time to his studies on it. The mind was fascinating and learning ways to manipulate it were even more fascinating.

In fact, the last class of they day that day was psychology and Jonathan couldn't wait to get there. There was nothing that sparked his interest more than psychology, and more specifically, the subject of fear. Jonathan spent a lot of his time thinking about fear, learning about fear, researching, and doing anything he could to educate himself more on it. Soon enough, he'd begin to experiment with fear: people's reactions, what fear could do to affect the reactions, the fight or flight instinct. It would be very interesting to look more into. And with Mr. Lewis's help, he might be able to become an expert on it. His knowledge could lead to magnificent breakthroughs in the study of fear.

Jonathan walked straight to the usual desk he sat in, it was in the very middle of the row on the edge of the room, not in the front, not in the back, but at the same time, not the center of attention. It was a perfect spot for Jonathan. This class was mostly made up of the advanced students. He was glad. In every other class he had to deal with everyone, the know it alls, the morons. He didn't mind the know it alls but it was the morons he absolutely couldn't understand. Why would you want to be ignorant in life, just to look cool in front of your friends? He could almost hear a chorus of "You want fries with that?" every time someone spoke. Maybe that was why he'd never taken a liking to french fries.

"Good afternoon, class." Mr. Lewis said as he walked into the classroom, signaling the beginning of class.

Behind the cool mask of his face, Jonathan smiled slightly. In here, he was no monster. Here, he was simply Jonathan.

**A/N: Hey there, peoples! :) I am so happy from all the positive feedback I've gotten and it's only been the prologue. Here is the first chapter, I hope you enjoy.**

** I'm watching the presidential debate and I find it actually pretty interesting. I don't exactly understand anything, but I think I'm siding with Romney. But I'm thirteen so it doesn't really matter xD**

** If anyone is interested in my inspiration for this story, look up "Monster" by Meg and Dia. It's a great song that I do not own.**

** Until next time! :)**

** -Harley**

** Shoutouts:**

** IShouldBeInAStraightJacket**

** ZenyZootSuit**

** PsychoSweetHeart**

** the-daydreamer17**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman.**

"Mr. Lewis?" Jonathan asked.

The bell had rang, signaling the end of the day. Students rushed out of the classroom as fast as they could. They were all like race cars, racing at high speeds to make it to the finish line. Which Jonathan always thought was pointless. It's not like if you stayed another minute that your home would disappear forever. But then again, no one saw the sense in his thoughts and maybe he didn't exactly understand the lives of others. He wasn't exactly interested in others, except for, to an extent, their minds.

In a way, Jonathan was somewhat of a narcissist. He had always been self absorbed and slightly more selfish than he'd like to admit. Always, he had been superior to people around him. He had always been better, more intelligent, than everyone else in this place. He had never been religious, in fact he despised religion, but in his own mind, he saw himself as somewhat of a god. He sometimes found himself nodding off in his own mind that everyone thought of him as he had thought himself. Everyone would bow down at his feet and worship the ground he walked on. All of the abuse, the insults, the pain would be lost, forgotten after he ad had his revenge.

"Yes, Jonathan. Hello." Mr. Lewis said, turning back to Jonathan as he put a book back on the bookshelf. His smile was kind, but also somewhat withdrawn and calculating. Somehow, it struck Jonathan as strange.

"I really enjoyed the lesson today." Jonathan stated, his voice growing quieter under the teacher's cold stare.

"Thank you. Endorphins are an interesting subject. At least I seem to think so." Mr. Lewis's smile grew wider. His stare became warmer and Jonathan relaxed a little, his shoulders loosening up a bit.

"Yes, I think they are, too." Jonathan agreed. "I have researched those previous to the lesson for... personal reasons."

Mr. Lewis's face dropped somewhat. "I understand."

But of course Jonathan knew he didn't, know one did.

"I best be going, Mr. Lewis." Jonathan said, picking up his books from the desk he sat at during class. "My grandmother will be.. worrying."

"I'll see you tomorrow in class Jonathan." Mr. Lewis smiled. "Have a nice day."

"You, too. Mr. Lewis. Thanks."

And with that, Jonathan walked out of the classroom and toward his locker to put his things away and start his long trek home. He only had about an hour or two before his granny got home. But of course, he had plenty of time.

"Hey, Ichabod!" he heard Bo behind him, shoving him forward a bit with his large hands. Jonathan's books spilled out of his arms and onto the floor, papers spilling out all over the hall. He grimaced, there were only a few more paces to his locker and he could have avoided this entire mess. He made a note to himself to walk faster next time. Though he was also reminded that that was what he said last time.

Slowly, Jonathan turned around. "I could have sworn we talked about this earlier." he tisked at Bo, whose face turned red with anger at his smugness.

Shoving Jonathan up against the lockers by the collar of his shirt, Bo growled. "Listen, punk..." he started to say but was quickly cut off.

"Hey! Put him down right now!" The voice was a teacher no doubt. Jonathan and Bo both knew it. They turned to see who the brave individual was and to Jonathan's surprise, it was Mr. Lewis. His savior of the day was Mr. Lewis. Jonathan felt somewhat comforted, in a sort of strange way. He felt as if there was someone watching out for him, maybe he wouldn't be so alone all the time, not that anyone but himself would know the difference.

Bo dropped him quickly and Jonathan dropped to the ground, leaning against the lockers as Bo scurried away and out of sight. Mr. Lewis walked over to Jonathan and helped him pick up the papers that were scattered everywhere. Jonathan was grateful for the help.

"Thank you, Mr. Lewis. I don't know what would have happened if you weren't here." Jonathan said, his eyes kept lowering to the floor.

"I'm just glad I happened to be walking by." Mr. Lewis replied. "I hope you're alright, Jonathan."

"I am." Jonathan answered. "Thanks."

Mr. Lewis nodded and walked away, undoubtedly on his way to the library. Jonathan looked down at his watch and was startled by the time. He gathered his things and hurried his way out of his high school. As soon as he was out, he walked down around the busy streets of his hometown: Boston.

**A/N: Sorry for the late update, got caught up with life. Anyways, hope you enjoy. Just wanted to establish Jonathan a little bit more. I feel like Jonathan is very difficult to characterize and it takes time to get him right.**

** Until next time! :)**

** -Harley**

** Shoutouts:**

** IShouldBeInAStraightJacket**

** ZenyZootSuit**

** Andromeda123**

** HowlynMad**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman or Jonathan Crane, but you know, if you wanna change that, I'll be more than happy to help.**

The walk home for Jonathan was always long and grueling. Many hills and long, twisting roads graced the landscape on his path home. But he never had any real motivation behind going home to his grandmother. The bitchy, old hag had never been exactly on his list of people he actually could deal with on any personal level whatsoever. He just had to deal with her to get through these years of high school and then he was gone, gone, gone.

H started his way away from the school at a faster pace than normal. He had always walked face, his long legs made him walk in longer strides, so it felt like he was going 100 mph. His book bag bounced at his side, the wait of the textbooks hitting against him. Jonathan ignored it ass he walked along the path.

He spotted his only friend, waiting for him at the corner of the street. Her dark locks were blowing in the cold wind and the tip of her nose was red from the chill of autumn. Jonathan smiled, he had really enjoyed her company, seeing as there really was no one else his age that would even look at him in a somewhat civil way.

"Hello, Vanessa." Jonathan greeted politely.

"Jonathan!" Vanessa exclaimed, jumping and wrapping her arms around his neck in a quick hug.

He stiffened, not used to physical contact and he didn't really enjoy it either. But Vanessa was a very affectionate person and could dish out the greatest hugs which, even Jonathan had to admit, were comforting in time of distress. Vanessa was the only person he'd allow to do this, because he learned that as much as he protested, she wouldn't stop. It was just in her nature.

"Where were you?" she asked, animatedly, her voice high as she pulled back from him.

"I got delayed. No big deal." Jonathan answered solemnly, started to walk briskly.

"Hey, wait up!" Vanessa yelled as he started to get away from her.

"You know you can tell me what happened, right?" Vanessa said, concern coating her eyes.

It was surprising that he had even made friends with this strange girl. She was animated, enthusiastic, affectionate and Jonathan was the opposite: cold, emotionless, and withdrawn. They say opposites attract, but Jonathan knew that they really bonded over their love of psychology. Just because of that, he could deal with all of her other characteristics. Though he couldn't say the same for most people he came into contact with.

"It's nothing, Vanessa. Just a run in with Bo, nothing unusual." Jonathan said, sighing.

"Okay, I got it, I got it." Vanessa said, raising her hands in defense.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, just reveling in each others company, not saying anything. Occasionally, Vanessa would do a dramatic sigh, out of habit since she wasn't used to silence in general.

"Hey, Jonathan?" Vanessa asked, looking at him with her childlike eyes, big and innocent.

"Yes?" Jonathan said, in slight annoyance from being torn so abruptly from his thoughts. His annoyance vanished when he saw her worried eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "Like really okay?"

Jonathan huffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, Vanessa. How many times must I tell you? I'm fine."

"Promise?" Vanessa asked, gently.

Jonathan rolled his eyes again and tried to ignore the deep blush that warmed his cheeks. He blamed it on the weather. "I don't have time for promises. They're childish, Vanessa."

"I take that as a no?"

"No." Jonathan said sternly.

Again, there was silence. And Jonathan had come to a conclusion in that silence. He was most certainly not in any way fine. He was definitely not okay. He was not in any way normal or sane. And he just had to accept that fact and fix it by himself.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jonathan." Vanessa said as they reached her house.

"Goodbye, Vanessa." Jonathan said.

"Don't say that, Jonathan! It sounds like you're never going to see me again!" Vanessa said, trying to lighten the mood he was in.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow then." Jonathan said and cracked a slight smile at her.

He watched as his bubbly, yet immature friend bounced up the steps to her house and inside the door. Jonathan stood there for a moment more, staring at the door.

A twig snapping brought him out of his trance and he continued to trudge his way home along the street.

It was a long time before he actually made it up the hill and to his own house. It was never really considered a home, more like a hell. Well, it made sense since he practically lived with Satan, didn't he?

Jonathan could see the lights in the kitchen on and instantly knew that he was to late, he had walked too slow. His grandmother was home and he was most definitely late.

And he was going to have hell to pay for it, too..

**A/N: Well, this was an introductory to a new character. I have big plans for these two that may or may not involve romance (but probably not). I hope she's not terrible.**

** Sorry for not updating. School is hectic and it sucks. Anyways, I'm going to try to write a little more on the weekends. But I'm a little booked up. Thanksgiving break is coming up so I may be able to write a little then :)**

** Also, I have the best dad in the world. He got me my very own TATTOO GUN! So freaking excited!**

** Until next time! Enjoy! :)**

** -Harley**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman or Jonathan Crane, but if the owners would kindly give them to me it would be greatly appreciated.**

"Where the hell have you been, boy?" his grandmother spoke sternly and loudly. She was a big woman and intimidating to everyone around her, including men. And here Jonathan was just a scrawny kid in high school, so weak compared to her.

He knew that if he really wanted to, he could defend himself. But how would that look? She could easily get the police and it was her word against his. And she was well respected in this town. The only person on his side would be Vanessa. Even the teachers that liked him at school would be on his grandmother's side just because it was what was expected in this small town. He had no chance.

No matter. It would only make revenge that much sweeter when he got it.

"I got caught up at school." Jonathan said, looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry, Grandmother."

"Don't be sorry, you miserable pest." she said, angrily.

She pulled Jonathan's head back by his hair. He yelped in pain. It felt like his hair was being torn from his scalp. And with a force unlike any other elderly woman anyone has ever know, she pushed Jonathan and he hit the kitchen counter and bashed his head against one of the glass cabinets. The glass shattered upon contact and fell to the floor. Jonathan could already feel the blood seeping down his forehead.

"Look what you've done, you insufferable beast!"

Jonathan's vision was spinning. He stumbled about in the kitchen blindly. Everything was blurry and he was so, so dizzy. Finally, his hands found the counter and he gripped it to keep himself steady. However, a swift kick to the back of his knees sent him crashing to the floor, right into the shattered pile of glass on the floor.

He groaned as the sharp glass pierced his skin in a hundred different places. It was as if tiny knives were stabbing him over and over again. He rolled over on to his back where the glass cut him all over again. There was so much blood, it was everywhere. It sickened him to look at. Blood had always made him queasy for some reason.

She roughly pulled him to his feet and he swayed back and forth, trying to find his balance. His vision was still off and his glasses had fallen to the ground. He guessed that was part of the reason he was so dizzy.

"You disgust me, Crane." his grandmother said before turning on her heel and leaving.

Jonathan stayed there, leaning against the kitchen table for support. She had stopped suddenly, which she would only do if she needed to do something.

He looked out the kitchen and to the front of the house. He saw his grandmother getting into a car with one of her friends.

_So that's why she left..._ Jonathan thought.

He slowly climbed the stairs to the bathroom to help get himself cleaned up. Jonathan tried to avoid looking at the blood. But he couldn't avoid it for long.

As soon as he looked into the mirror, he saw just how much blood there was. It was dripping all over him from cuts all over his body. It was especially uncomfortable in _some _places and he knew that they would especially give him problems later.

But the blood. It was too much.

Jonathan immediately fell to his knees next to the toilet and emptied the limited contents of his stomach into it. He retched and coughed and cursed. He hated his. It always left a disgusting taste in his mouth that took forever to get rid of.

He just needed to walk a little faster next time.

The next day, Jonathan was walking to school and he had almost reached Vanessa's house. In fact, he could see her waiting in front of the fence around the yard. Once she caught sight of him, she waved enthusiastically.

He chuckled inwardly and waved half heartedly back.

"Hey, Scarecrow!" Vanessa greeted him cheerfully.

"Why do you insist upon calling me that?" he asked, groaning. "And hello to you, too."

"Because you remind me of a scarecrow, not in a bad way or anything. Plus, scarecrows are scary and you like scary things."

"Whatever you say..."

They continued to walk to school. Vanessa chattered about who knows what and Jonathan walked along, pretending to listen while mulling over the events of last night. He was covered, _covered, _in cuts.

"I think school should be shorter!" Vanessa wailed.

"On the contrary, I wish school was longer." Jonathan quipped.

And he did. Whenever he was at school, that meant he wasn't at home.

"Well you're good at it!" Vanessa retorted.

Jonathan absentmindedly rolled up his and waved her off, jokingly. He seemed to be a lot more relaxed with Vanessa lately. It must have been since she was so relaxed with him. And no one else had really ever been that way with him before.

Vanessa's eyes went wide as she grabbed his arm. "What the hell is this?" she screamed.

**A/N: Hey there! :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was... sad to write...**

** I did some research and found out that Jonathan's grandmother locked him in an abandoned with crows... I didn't know that before. I don't know why. But I would like to incorporate that into the story. **

** Poor Jonathan, I want to give him a hug and kiss. :)**

** Until next time, whenever that is! XD**

** -Harley**


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